"My mother, Robyn Dawn Floren, is my best friend, and it is excruciating to be away from her (Exhibit A). Being her only child, we have a very special relationship. This relationship is even stronger than most mother-child relationships, because when I was a baby, I was kidnapped by my biological father. Because my mother missed my first steps walking, my first words, and my first teeth, she has committed herself to being with me during every important moment. We are united in our struggles, and desperately need each other for moral support."
Alia's biological father committed suicide when she was only 22-months old. According to Alia's mother, he had kidnapped her one year earlier, when he separated from her mother. However, by all accounts, Alia's biological father only went to his parents home and it is not known that Robyn, Alia's mother, ever did anything to get her baby back. Be that as it may, having felt deprived of all those magical moments in her baby's life (first teeth, first steps, first words ...), all since then, Robyn has time and time again told Alia mother and daughter will be together forever.
If you know anything about what it means to have someone so important in your life that you will risk everything to be with them, then maybe you can understand my dilemma.
"Our love is heard in the stories we tell and the laughs we share. Our love is imprinted in every photo we have taken together. Our love is witnessed in the sacrifices we have taken to be together.
I made many difficult choices so I could be with the man I love.
My marriage was difficult before it even began. I endured intense scrutiny from my family. They all selfishly wanted me to fulfill their own desires.
When I told my parents I was getting married, both of them began a dialogue of, "She HAS to..." They were convinced that my marriage was ruining my life. Every dream I ever had was being demolished. They never considered that dreams change, or that I could still accomplish my dreams. They had forgotten that my dreams were my own. They had selfishly taken on my dreams, and didn't want to let them go. They expected me to fulfill their dreams.
Robyn Floren (Affidavit for Immigration 2011): "Within a year Alia began to establish the future she envisioned for herself and determined the path in which she planned to make these dreams a reality. Her plan to graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Forestry was to be complemented with entering the Peace Corps with the possibility of continuing her education after the Peace Corps to achieve a master's degree."
This continued on my wedding day. My mother attempted to make every decision. She even told me that the wedding wasn't for me, it was for her. She was again trying to use me to accomplish her own dreams, and this hurt me.
My parents were suspicious of my husband. My father verbally assaulted him on our wedding day, by asking him questions in attempt to expose him as an awful person. My mother did the same thing just a week later, by telling him that she would not accept her grandchildren being born outside of the US, and even asking if he was going to put a veil on me.
Robyn Floren (Affidavit 2011): "In the event of Javier and my daughter not returning to the United States, the possibility of my grandchildren being born on the other side of the world would cause hardships on my daughter and our family. The financial and time constraints in my life would not allow for me to be there with my daughter when my grandchildren are born. Not being with her to offer support and help, as well as the personal hardship this would place on me, would change the family ideals my daughter was raised with. Alia would be left to begin life as a new mother without the family and friends she would need for support and for sharing the joyous event of raising children together."
My parents went crazy when I got married, and while this may be understandable to some point, the lack of restraint they used is not.
My wedding day was a very happy day for me. When I look at the photos, I remember how happy I was. But, I also see my parents, and it makes me sad that they couldn't enjoy my happiness.
My husband had to leave very soon after we were married, and I was left alone in Montana. I can remember the day I left him in Seattle. We sat on the curb outside my friends house, not knowing how long it would be until we saw each other again. I could barely stand it as I watched him in the rearview mirror of my car as I drove away. I struggled the next eight hours to make it back to Montana, where I finally broke down and cried.
The next months were lonely, but we were still hopeful that something would work out with immigration. I worked for the Forest Service, trying hard to keep going without my husband. Near the end of the summer, I finally could not stand it any more, and had to leave the country to see him. I spent one week in Cancun, Mexico with my husband. Sitting on the beach, making sand castles, cooking food in hostels. This was our honeymoon.
Going to Cancun made it even harder for me when I got back. Having a taste of what it was like; remembering the feeling of being with that one person that meant more to me than anything. I had a hard time those next couple weeks. School had started, and I was working on my last year of forestry studies. But, I couldn't focus, and I wasn't able to get my work done efficiently. All I could do was think about being with my husband.
I was in a bind. I couldn't stand being away from my husband, but I couldn't imagine withdrawing from school. But, eventually, it became too much, and I made the very difficult decision of leaving my studies. Once again, I was under intense scrutiny from my family. My father was the worst, and I still have nightmares about the way he spoke to me. I was an utter failure to him, and he treated me like I had just commited the worst crime ever. Again, this was because I was not fulfilling his dreams. It was not his decision, and he hurt me very badly. I barely spoke to him before I left the country for good."
It's not easy to live in a world that you can't adequately interact with, and my husband understood that. He did all he could to inform me of what people were saying, and to include me, but he could only do so much. I appreciate everything my husband has done, but unfortunately he couldn't always help.
From the beginning, my marriage was stressful and troubling. But, this was not because of the relationship itself. My husband and I are tight.
Javier and I are both simple people. We don't watch TV, we are both very stingy with money, and we enjoy the simplicities in life. We love to cook together. Cooking together is how we fell in love. We also love to dance, and while I am the better dancer, I would say that neither of us is very good at it. We are often laughing and joking, and we really like to tease each other. We are very happy people.
I was enamored with him immediately. He is funny, charming, helpful, and completely harmless. I thought he was a little strange, and that is one of the things I grew to love so much about him.
I love my husband, and I can tell you, that he loves me too. This man has comforted me through all the stress of being away from home, in an unfamiliar setting, without the ability to communicate. We share stories of our travels, but we also share dreams for our future. We are in this together.
I will do anything to prove that my marriage is bonafide and true. I know you have told me not to come back to Montana for the interview, but I'll tell you now, that if it will make a difference for me to come and demonstrate the validity of my marriage, I will still come back."
(From Alia's emails to immigration officer Erminia Kirschman, Spring 2011).
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